So, we had an issue with one of our credit cards the other day. When I went through our statement there were two large charges that we didn’t make. One was for an iPad that was picked up in Cape Girardeau by a Lakita Shanay. There’s no Cape Girardeau in ND, and we haven’t been outside North Dakota since we went to Duluth, MN, back in March. Another was for a Dell laptop sent to an address that wasn’t ours. Both orders were placed in early November. Between the two there was over $2,000 worth of charges that we disputed with our credit card company.

Fast forward to today where I saw an email from Amazon about one of the charges and that they were suspending our account. It requires an email response, so I sent one explaining what had happened. But in the meantime we’re locked out of our Amazon account. That wouldn’t be so bad, but this evening when the family tried getting on the FireStick to watch some TV, we were locked out of that as well. When I checked my daughter’s Kindle Fire, it’s been de-registered.

Trying to contact someone at Amazon is, to put it mildly, a pain in the ass. Every attempt to contact someone off the website leads to an infinite circle of you can’t get there from here. You see, in order to contact someone from the website, you have log into your Amazon account. But you can’t log into your Amazon account when it’s locked.

Fortunately searching the internet did provide a useful contact number. This page at Business Insider was truly helpful, offering up the number 888-280-4331.

Unfortunately, Customer Service wasn’t very service friendly. All they could do was tell us that an account specialist would be emailing us within 24 hours about the account. Escalating our concerns didn’t do anything, as we were told the exact same thing. Apparently, the account specialists are there 24/7, but there’s no way to reach them other than through email. In the meantime, we can’t get into our Amazon account, though they still delivered stuff today. We can’t get into our Kindle. And we can’t get onto our FireStick to watch TV.

In short, Amazon Customer Service suck donkey schlong, throating the whole thing and sucking in the balls, too.